How Spammers Really Make Money

Whenever my email box fills up, I have to wonder: what are these spammers thinking? Do they really believe that anyone will click on that link to buy what they are selling? DO they not know they are among the most hated individuals in the history of humankind? Well why would they care, when this type of business is anonymous, and also virtually free to market? One thing I do know is, if i get another mail about the size of my penis I'm going to scream. But, you think, they MUST be making money. Someone MUST be clicking those links. Otherwise, why would they continue to do it?

Well hold on to your skippy knickers, gang. Most of the money made by spammers has little to do with you buying one of their products. Spammers can make plenty of money selling addresses they've gleaned from websites, various open proxy servers and open SMTP relays. That just means they get it through the same channels you get your email.

And spammers make money from all those pop-ups. Have you ever found yourself on a site that turns out to be a series of pop-up pages? It doesn't matter that you close them. The spammers have already got what they need--it's an "ad impression" which means the page was, theoretically, viewed by someone, and they get paid every time that happens.

Then there's all the downright fraudulent spamming. I'm sure all of us has at one time or another gotten one of those pleas from some Nigerian representative, telling us they need to borrow someone's account to deposit a large sum of money and in return, you will get paid a large fee for providing that account. If you fell for this, you deserve to lose your money. Sorry. But that's just stupid. NEVER give out your information for a credit card or bank account to someone you don't know. That doesn't mean legit companies like your electric bill or phone bill sites. It means anytime you are ASKED for you information for any reason whatsoever, and you don't know who the asker is, don't do it. The fraud extends to all these pyramid schemes, chain letters, and any sort of multi-level marketing.

Another thing to watch out for are what is called pump-and-dump stock activities. You are encouraged via email to buy a penny stock and when enough people do this, those who own this stock then sell it while the price is high. And you are left with...well, a stock worth a penny.

And don't forget the bane of all inboxes: those who entreat you to try their product which will make your genitals perform better and/or look more impressive. These products are sold all the time, and when you buy them, IF you even receive them, they are usually sugar pills or something else that does nothing to achieve your goal. And how can they continue to do this so voluminously? No one is going to report them for selling them a product that did not make their wee-wee bigger. It's just too embarrassing. And do i have to mention that if you go to porn sites, you must never allow any site to talk you into downloading their special software so you can view the porn? Those are usually dialers, and they will sit unnoticed on your system and dial 900 numbers until you get your phone bill. Then you will not want to explain to the phone company that "no, that was not you calling porn lines..." They won't believe you, and you will probably be too embarrassed to do that either. You'll just be stuck with the bill.

Remember, when the sites you do legitimate business with ask you for verification and secret question answers, it's to protect your account or card information from getting stolen so that someone can run that up too.

One more thing: Don't EVER hit the unsubscribe link in one of these emails. This just verifies your email as accurate, and it will end up on even more spamming lists.

If you follow these guidelines, and also use the proper anti-virus and anti-spyware programs, while simply deleting unwanted mail, you'll have a better chance of avoiding catastrophic financial problems as well as the annoyance of more spam. I recommend using AVG products for spyware and virus protection, as they don't slow down your system, and they are very effective-as well as free. And buy Spambully for your outlook program. It's the best for that.

Good luck, and don't be a chump.

Find it fast in Blogger template code

Here's a tip on working with the template code in Blogger. (Customize/Layout/Edit HTML).

First, I use Firefox, so you'll have to do something comparable if you're using IE.

I have the Google search bar in Firefox, and I use that almost everyday, and here's something i discovered that also helps me when I'm tweaking Blogger template code. It's often hard to find the section in the code you need by scrolling through, especially if you have to expand a widget. So instead, click inside the template box, then go up to Firefox's Google bar and type in the word you want to find, BUT DON'T hit enter.



Instead look to the right on the Google Bar, where you'll see the word listed. If you click on that word there, it will highlight that instance of the word in your template. Each time you click it, it will find the next occurrence of that word.

This trick saves hours of frustration sometimes.

Zipped Off

okay this is funny.

Since getting a new computer and transferring all my files, i am still trying to install the software that i use, as i come across a need for it again.

I needed to unzip a certain program file, so i went online to search for freeware. I found a highly praised compression utility, and when i selected to download it, the install file was ZIPPED.

Now, maybe they were just not thinking out of the box, but how am i supposed to unzip their unzip program, if I'm downloading it because i need a zip program?

Slippity Doo Dah

(or, "I Don't Love my OTHER Shoes")

I've always known that certain footwear was dangerous. The most common culprit in my mind is the high heel-pump-stiletto family of shoes. Aside from the usual hazard of balancing on something so precarious as a shoe with a peg under it (although Pirate-amputees seemed to have mastered it), or in the case of a stiletto, (essentially walking on a PENCIL), there is a profound discomfort to be had in the awkward position of the foot, and the disfiguration that takes place as a woman gets older while partaking of this footwear. Have you looked at 50 or 60 year old woman's foot after she's worn high heels her whole life? It looks like pointy shoes with skin on it, or like her feet have been stricken with a genetic defect. It is beyond comprehension that a woman will do this to herself, often only to make her legs look attractive for men. Not only is it a health hazard for what it does to one's knees, but it doesn't allow a woman to run...and i feel that this is something that women ought to be able to do, for many reasons, which i won't get into here.

But, regardless, I was convinced that a MAN invented the high heel, and as i Googled it to find out, i discovered that this was true, but they invented them for MEN. It seems they needed a shoe that wouldn't slip in the stirrups while riding horseback. Then the style became more of a fashion statement for royalty in the 1500's. Then a female member of royalty adopted the style and women began to wear heels after that. Women discovered that wearing heels made their gate and calves more alluring and sensualized...for the benefit of admiring males.

But even high hells have nothing on the footwear that graces the tootsies of homebodies nation-wide. Nothing is more treacherous than that unassuming pair of footwear that can be found in every household…often they exude comfort, they are the very essence of comfort and repose, but secretly, this footwear is an accident waiting to happen.

I speak of the open heeled house slipper. They don't call it a "slipper" for nothing. Don't be fooled by the padded faux lambs wool, and the cushiness of its sole. Any number of things can go awry with these hideous houseshoes, these sinister slippers. There is absolutely nothing holding them on your feet except your good intentions. You can be taking a step and one of them will slip off, fold over, and crinkle your toes. They can slide off kilter and make you twist your ankle; it's even worse if you're on uneven terrain. Many homes are one-level, and one can scoot along without lifting one's feet, enjoying the gleeful combination of static electricity and unsuspecting cats, (Here kitty kitty…ZZZZZAP!) but this just lulls you into a false sense of security. For eventually, you will lift a foot and it will all be over. You'll find yourself stumbling, mashing the cat's tail, dropping your fresh cup of coffee, banging your head on a railing and cracking every toe-knuckle you have. And squishing your cream cheese bagel into your right ear. It can be even worse than that.

For instance, I am writing this at the foot of my staircase.

I'm going to need a few more minutes before attempting to get up. And when I do, I'm going to put on some sneakers, and use my open-heeled house slippers as cat toys. Maybe they can put their little arms inside them when the basement gets too chilly. Or maybe I'll put them in my lap and use them for hand warmers, myself. But they will never again go on my feet. Especially not right now, since I can't bend over without aggravating those seven slipped discs in my back.

Vicious Cycle: What No One Talks About

If my ear falls off, I have my friend, Justice Harlow, to thank. But I wouldn't trade our conversations for the world (nor her).

In a recent conversation, we began talking about politics. I'm a registered Independent, and she's a registered Democrat, though i think she's probably really an Independent too, she just hasn't changed the paperwork. She shared her perspectives on our current elections and the candidates, and why the surface of things isn't always what we ought to be looking at. Nor should we turn a blind eye to making decisions we didn't think we'd make, just because it's associated with a party we always vote for. Her insight was, as always, edifying, and I felt, also important for people to have access to. So this is the content of what we discussed, along with some research and knowledge of my own.

Here's the very definition of a vicious cycle:

John Q. Public struggles to make ends meet, especially since the housing market has crashed, and his mortgage is so expensive. He loses his job again, and thank god he can go to the pawn shop and the check cashers loan place to get by until he's employed again.

But when John goes to the check cashing place, he finds that they are going out of business and can't rewrite the loan because it's now been made non-lucrative by recent legislation for these busineses to operate. He finds the same problem with the pawn shop. This new legislation was ostensibly created to help the average person, but it accomplishes the opposite by hyperfocusing on the supposed unfairness of the business, when it is that business that was keeping many Americans afloat. Are we to also pretend that these check-loan and pawn shop places are not supposed to profit? Isn't that what business is about?

So, John Q. goes home despondent because he doesn't know where he's going to get the money to survive. And this is what no one talks about.

Now, the same thing is happening to other John and Jane Q.'s, and they might be in more dire financial shape than the first one. They might be willing to do something drastic to support their families. Let's call one of them Michael Q. Public. Michael Q. has become so desperate that decides he needs to do some breaking and entering to get some money. He already knows the pawn shops aren't buying because of other recent legislation, and so he can no longer find things of value to sell, and must go for the cash. He breaks into John Q.'s house, and when John Q. hears something and comes down to check it out, he is confronted by this desperate Michael Q. Michael then demands money and John says he doesn't have any cash in the house. So Michael takes him hostage, making him drive to the ATM so he can withdraw money to give to Michael. Then, of course, he's been seen, and so he has to kill John, because he doesn't want any witnesses. No one talks about this.

So, while John's family is learning that their beloved husband and father has just been killed, Michael continues his crime spree, because now, he has nothing to lose. He is eventually recruited by a drug dealer, because he is told he can make guaranteed income. This is also the appeal to Michael's younger brother, who would rather join him in that business, than flip burgers at McDonald's for minimum wage. And this is also what no one talks about.

Mrs. John Q., meanwhile, is dealing with overwhelming grief and financial devastation, and can't file bankruptcy because she and her husband had to do that five years ago during another of his layoffs. She has no hope of paying the mortgage, and she and her children are either homeless, or forced to move in with her mother. And this is what no one talks about.

Down the street from Mrs. John Q. Public (widow), resides Sally Q. Public, a single woman in her 30's. She has been offered a job in another state, and has to take it, because she fears she is about to lose her job at the bank, and she only has her own income to depend on. Since there's a crunch in defaulted loans, many banks are closing, and the work grapevine has informed her that her boss is about to hire a bi-lingual employee to take her place, since bank employees are now required to be bi-lingual. The new hire is also willing to take less pay. So with joblessness looming, she had to put her house on the market in anticipation of her move to another state for a different job.

Sally Q. doesn't have much time left, and must sell her home, or lose her new job opportunity, while also losing her previous one. She has had a slew of potential buyers, but none of them will offer her a fair price. They all want to pay $70k for her $150k house. Then, she receives an offer from an African American couple, who will pay $100k. She feels this is her best chance to sell and get herself relocated and re-employed. But her neighbors have begun to complain to her that she is selling to a minority, and it will drive their property values even farther down, and they want her to hold out for a "white" couple. She simply can't afford to care. On a larger scale, Sally understands this is what will happen in America with business too. Businesses may not want to sell to that Saudi investor, but they have to accept the price he's offering, as the business is going under. And this is what no one talks about.

Added to this circuitous but firmly connected set of realities, is the ongoing news from the medical community that most people can expect to live to well past the age of 100, and that those in their mid-thirties might even reach 150. According to a special report by Barbara Walters* we are all living longer. I was surprised to learn that there are currently over 84,000 centenarians in the United States, and that by the time the Baby Booomer generation reaches that age, there will be over a million.

Sounds hopeful. Especially to someone like me who always feels there will never be enough days in my life to accommodate all I want to do and learn experience. But there's a dark side.

When the Social Security system was set up, men were living into their 70's and women to their 80's; now they live into 80's and 90's, respectively. The Social Security our mothers were depending on is being spread very thin, already. And much of it is now going to the immigrants programs, which means people in that age-group will vote for McCain, because Republicans are notorious for allowing and encouraging thriving business, and for giving businesses tax breaks because they take on the liability of all those who don't own one. And these businesses have the pensions that senior citizens depend on. If the businesses go under, however, those pensions and health care and Social Security goes under too. The Democrats, meanwhile, are notorious for pushing all the social help programs that undermine the Social Security system. Our grandparents and elderly parents and friends and siblings will be rendered destitute if they even dare vote democratic. Voting republican for them, is a matter of financial survival.

My friend Justice Harlow says, "I own some stocks, but I'm not rich. The companies that I invest in are owned by Republicans. Do I want to take money away from big business and republicans when that means I will lose everything--my 401k will be worthless because stocks will fall? And I'm not even a Republican. But I might be switching parties if this continues. Your 401k is not in 'Johnny's Quick Stop' down the street. It's in big oil and Google, and pharmaceuticals, and other big businesses."

When all the bleeding heart liberals out there succeed in undermining every support for business, then all the Greenpeacers and ecological militants will be very happy, Harlow says, "Everything will be green because all that will be left is grass."

On a personal note, If the guy who owns the house I live in, who's a business owner a builder, goes under, I might be living in my car. It's biting the hand that feeds me, to encourage or otherwise support restrictions on Big Business. Harlow elaborates, "If you don't own a company that employs you, it implies that someone else owns it. If you don't kill the cow that made the steak you eat for dinner, then that implies someone else raised it, killed it, and sent the meat to market. Down with big business, means you don't eat, and you don't have a place to live. Businesses don't employ you because they think you're a lovely person, they are in it to make money. They need those tax breaks and incentives."

She gave a further example of the Nissan plant in the delta of Grenada, MS which created 5000 jobs that was instrumental in getting all those folks out of the welfare system. Those people were able to buy homes and cars, and become consumers, and that helped the economy and many more things, all the way down to better roads. "The Republicans are the ones who want to help business, " Harlow says. "The Democrats want to cut all that out and give it to people who don't work." Further, she added another metaphor to the equation: "If a cat comes to your door and cries, and you feed it, it comes back every day to eat. And if you move away, the cat might die. But more likely, it will catch field mice and rabbits and rummage through trash--do whatever it had to do to survive. Likewise, if welfare women couldn't refer to their newborns as 'another check' and were instead forced to work for a living, the problems this creates would dissipate."

I agree, that the survival instinct is pretty strong. And we ought to be calling on that part of our humanity, rather than the newly evolved instinct to freeload. The 'haves' and the 'have-nots' used to be the poor and the rich. Now it's the 'haves and haves,' and the have-nots are in the middle--the middle class.

This leads me to one of my most cogent and shocking personal conclusions. McCain may be stupid about the war and stupid about the economy, but if he's in office, the Republican Machine will still operate all around him, and this will keep big business alive and keep us, by extension, able to live our lives without fear of losing our livelihoods, our health care, our homes, and our sanity.

Instead, what we see happening now is the outsourcing of jobs, ill-conceived trade paradigms, and an immigration policy that has served only to destroy our economy, the job-market, and our Social Security System. The murmurs of "recession" are incorrect, in my mind. I not only think we are firmly entrenched in recession right now, but I think we're headed for a full-fledged Depression. And this leads to even more failure in a chain of events predicated on one-dimensional, surface-thinking.

We stand a very real chance of being bought out by other countries. As Harlow reminded me: "Just like the Indians bought up London in the 70's, they'll do that here, because our dollar is becoming worthless. Now rich Middle Eastern businessmen take over our trade routes, and our major companies. They will have dual citizenships, and be able to vote." This takeover, Harlow believes, as do I, will be in the financial and investment sector, and--frighteningly--in government. This is also what no one talks about. Terrorism from within. Recall the old caveat, A House divided against itself will fall ?

So this vicious cycle is something no one talks about. But our silence, in this case, really does equal death. Before long, desperation will be the order of the day and we will no longer be a country of, for, and by the people, but a country of, for, and by the whim of other wiser governments who also have the resources to do whatever they please.

Forget about the global climate change, an asteroid hitting the earth, Old Faithful in Yellowstone erupting, a terrorist attack, or even nuclear war. America will be destroyed from within by its own policies and its own inability to do what needs to be done for fear of stepping on some toes and hurting some feelings.

Good luck with that.



---------------------------------
*Live to 150, Can You Do It? Secrets to Living Longer With Barbara Walters

MMA: The Real Deal, though Homoerotic

A few years ago, i developed an interest in boxing. Watching it, not participating. But then, i came across the relatively new sport of MMA--Mixed Martial Arts. I mostly watch WrekCage, World Extreme Cagefighting (WEC) on Versus. It is the fastest growing sport in America, and its fans run the gamut of economic, social and ethnic demographics.

One of the first things i noticed--perhaps absurdly--was that the sport seemed overtly homo-erotic. Scantily clad men would wrestle with each other, their arms and legs entwined in often very sexual poses, and they could win the fight through techniques like "Submission" and "Rear Naked Choke." And some of the clinches these guys wind up in, can be pretty entertaining.


All that silliness aside, it was easy to become a fan of this sport. I am most impressed with the degree to which these guys have to be athletes. I am convinced that they are among the most physically well-conditioned people on the planet. Maybe even THE most.

MMA has more dimensions than boxing. During a match, fighters can use kickboxing, wrestling, and regular boxing, as well as various martial arts, like Jiu Jitzu, Judo, Karate, Muay Thai (moy-tie). But these guys don't wear those puffy gloves. They barely have any padding in the ones they do wear, and yet they stand toe to toe and smack each other with enough force to cause unconsciousness before they even hit the ground. Mostly, though, the sport is about skill and many times, few or no punches are even thrown. it all depends on the skill-set of each fighter and the dynamics of the fight.

There are 9 ways to win an MMA fight:

• Knockout
• Technical Knockout
• Submission
• Referee Stoppage
• Doctor Stoppage
• Corner Stoppage
• Forfeit
• Decision
• Disqualification
• No Contest

Fighters use striking and grappling techniques to conquer their opponent. And according to the URMMA,

1

3:46-24A.15 Fouls

(a) The following are fouls and will result in penalties if committed:
1. Butting with the head;
2. Eye gouging of any kind;
3. Biting or spitting at an opponent;
4. Hair pulling;
5. Fish hooking;
6. Groin attacks of any kind;
7. Intentionally placing a finger in any opponent’s orifice;
8. Downward pointing of elbow strikes;
9. Small joint manipulation;
10. Strikes to the spine or back of the head;
11. Heel kicks to the kidney;
12. Throat strikes of any kind;
13. Clawing, pinching, twisting the flesh or grabbing the clavicle;
14. Kicking the head of a grounded fighter;
15. Kneeing the head of a grounded fighter;
16. Stomping of a grounded fighter;
17. The use of abusive language in fighting area;
18. Any unsportsmanlike conduct that causes an injury to opponent;
19. Attacking an opponent on or during the break;
20. Attacking an opponent who is under the referee’s care at the time;
21. Timidity (avoiding contact, or consistent dropping of mouthpiece, or faking an injury);
22. Interference from a mixed martial artists seconds;
23. Throwing an opponent out of the fighting area;
24. Flagrant disregard of the referee’s instructions;
25. Spiking an opponent to the canvas on his or her head or neck.

Now this is what i would call an extreme sport, yet not at all foolish. When MMA first started in 1993 with the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC), there were injuries, but no more than in any other contact sport. John McCain, however, derided it as "human cockfighting," spearheading legislation that kept the fights from being aired on Pay Per View, and even convinced some states to ban the sport altogether. Ironically, McCain is still a fan of boxing, though he was ringside when boxer Jimmy Garcia was killed in the ring, and also ironically, there are over a thousand documented deaths in boxing, and only 1 in MMA, Doug Dedge, who died in a Kiev hospital soon after an unsanctioned bout in Russia in 1998. But as the real story came to light, it seemed that Dedge also had a preexisting condition that probably exacerbated the likelihood of his demise. He had suffered from blackouts, temporary blindness, vertigo and other ailments, but refused to see a doctor. Those around him during this time stated that his condition seemed to have little to do with any injuries sustained during training and other bouts.

In 2001, when the regulatory bodies began to oversee the sport, after a few years hiatus, there were new fighters and the sport flew in under the radar again. Under The Unified Rules of Mixed Martial Arts Combat, it then became just as safe as any other sport, and in some ways, safer. Professional mixed martial artist John Rallo, said,

“…it is honorable to tap in our sport. If you quit in a boxing match you may not fight again. Look at Roberto Duran after the "no mas" match with Ray Leonard. He was looked down upon and never regained his edge after that fight. A KO is not the only means of victory. The average boxer takes several hundred blows to the head in a winning performance. In MMA I have been in fights and not even taken one punch. If you take down your opponent and finish the fight on the ground you greatly reduce the chances of being KO'ed or even hit at all. Obviously there are injuries. This is a contact sport. But the injuries are no more severe then those suffered by collegiate wrestlers or football players.”

One thing i noticed after watching only about five bouts, was how many of the fighters seemed to have weird ears. I assumed it had to be a product of the constant grappling and punching they do. It soon became apparent that this was the proverbial "Cauliflower Ear," only not the one mostly known in context of those who are talked to incessantly. It really is a condition. According to Wikipedia,

"Cauliflower ear (also hematoma auris or perichondrial hematoma) is a condition most common among wrestlers, rugby players, mixed martial artists, and boxers. If the external portion of the ear suffers a blow, a blood clot or other fluid may collect under the perichondrium. This separates the cartilage from the overlying perichondrium that is its source of nutrients, causing the cartilage to die. This leads to a formation of fibrous tissue in the overlying skin. When this happens, the outer ear becomes permanently swollen and deformed, thus resembling a cauliflower."

I always wonder why anyone would want to engage in a sport that they knew was going to not only draw blood sometimes, but hurt like hell....but knowing that these guys go at it with copious amounts of training and preparation, and are familiar with what it entails, keeps me from in any way feeling sorry for them. And as a woman, it has the added entertainment of watching two men beat the crap out of each other. obviously, I'm not the only one. My fellow blogger, Maude, said,

"...then we watched WEC (World Extreme Cagefighting), which I'm embarrassed to say, I have been enjoying. I just have to ignore my feelings about the channel VS (on cable--all sports and sports related stuff like sports movies, etc.) because if I stop to think too long about it, it does remind me of everything I despise about machismo and the heteronormative sports culture that simply reinforces all that is fucked up in this world (prescribed gender roles, misogyny, violence, etc.), and yet I find all out brute ass-kicking in a cage entertaining. I don't know what to say for myself. It's embarrassing and troublesome on so many levels I just don't even know where to begin."

Neither do I, Maude, but we like it, so what the hell.

When it Absolutely Positively Has to Get There Overnight

After five days, I haven't received the package with an item i bought, using Fedex delivery.
I just find it odd that UPS and FedEx were supposed to be the alternative, quicker way to send and receive things.....

They should change their slogan to: "Fed Ex, when absolutely positively has to get there in the same amount of time as the U.S. Postal Service."

but i think i know what happened to my package. Here's the video.

Lesbians: Art Does not Imitate Life

Excerpted from my book,
ISO (in Search Of):
The Art of Dating, Relationships & Sex for the Discerning Lesbian

Any Lesbian who is currently single knows that it's often a great deal less romantic to be unattached than the media would have us believe. Many of us would love to hang out with the kinds of women we see on the L-Word, yet in the Lesbian Community, this is often not an option. Sophisticated, feminine lesbians are simply not the norm, overall. Most of the actresses who play those roles are in fact, heterosexual. I have frequently been chagrined by this. In all of Hollywood, they could not find a cast of feminine, sophisticated lesbians to play those roles? In this case, it seems that art does not imitate life. It warrants consideration.

Are lesbians primarily less feminine than straight women? I suspect the answer to that is a resounding "Yes." Are masculine lesbians a product of brainwashing -- that in romance there must be two opposite roles-one feminine, one masculine? Most Likely. . .

At the risk of being politically incorrect, [*a concept i reject] I must say that I find it disturbing that so many Lesbians feel it necessary to mimic men. A Lesbian, by definition, doesn't want to be with a man and is a woman who loves women, in the romantic sense. In a very real way, then, masculinity in gay women is a contradiction. It is patently unnecessary to become manly in order to be with another woman. The need to be "manly" then, can sometimes be about gender-confusion, and not about being lesbian. This stance may be offensive to some, but indeed, I could say that I am offended by how easily some lesbians dismiss the beauty and power in themselves by diluting it with masculinity.

So often I hear lesbians complaining about being stereotyped by the world at large. My suggestion is that if you don't wish to be a stereotype, don't act like one.

In the novels I write, I portray women as feminine or at least a lipstick lesbian, but rarely as dykes or otherwise manly females (which is, intrinsically, an oxymoron). I have been accused of catering to straight men or merely "selling out" by doing this, and yet, I find this assessment myopic, contradictory and just plain silly. I love women, because they are women. I love the feminine form. I am attracted to the quintessential qualities that make women FEMALE. If I wanted to be with a man, I would be straight. So this whole outrage based on my supposed treason against Sapphic love, strikes me as absurd.

Why do you suppose that most straight women who experiment with lesbianism, pursue gay women who are manly? It's a comfort zone, that's why. They are not straying too terribly far from being with a man.

The most attractive women, to me, are the ones who are androgynous. I use that term loosely, and colloquially, because the actual definition is way more severe and limiting than the context in which I use it. Androgyny, by its original definition, means ambiguous in gender. Genderless, almost. Like the "Pat" character on Saturday Night Live. You can't tell if the person is male or female. The way I mean it is more like a woman who blends, in a harmonious fashion, the traits of both male and female, to create a balanced person. This means the woman looks like a woman, but can hammer a nail, ride a motorcycle, or be assertive, all without losing her essential womanliness.

A great fictional character that exemplifies this would be Xena, the Warrior Princess from television. She was strong, capable, assertive, loving, loyal, always looked fabulous and feminine. Even when she was cutting someone's throat. . .

I desperately want another term to describe strong, feminine lesbians.

HOMOgenized Female. . .hmmm.

Fembian. MMM.

Sapphian.

It occurred to me that epicene meant having the characteristics of both genders, blended. So how about Femepicene? (fem-ep-uh-seen).

So women who are Femepicene are those most likely to get my attention. I can't speak for every other gay woman.

KUDZU:Movies You Should Avoid Renting...

...if You can Ignore Critics and Think for Yourself

(this is an older piece, but still useful in the age of Netflix).

I find it amazing how often I am all revved up by the idea of a movie, and how good it’s going to be, and then I find myself checking the marquee or the box to see if it is the same movie I read about. I don’t know very much about the movie industry, but I suspect it is just like any other big business where mega-bucks change hands. Sometimes someone is scratching someone else’s back, and the result has no foundation in truth or accuracy.


BASEketball-
Very rarely, do i stop a tape, or walk out of a movie before the end. I did so, with this lemon. And there wasn't even enough juice in it to make lemonade. The continual puerile, insipid jokes and visuals seem directed at 10 year old minds, yet the equation is confused by the preponderance of sleazy sexual eye-candy, definitely not suited for children. Therefore, the movie has NO audience. Not a smart investment for Hollywood moguls. To summarize very quickly, don't waste your time. The boys from South Park should stick to the cartoon.

Latter Days
This is from memory as I hadn't intended to write a review and already have sent the movie back.

I only give this movie 2 stars and not ONE because it did make me cry in places, (probably because I am an old softie anyway)and it portrayed gay men at least attempting to have something between them besides empty sex.

That aside, this movie really is a sad, clichéd and predictable attempt to inject some meaningful content into the cinematic reflections of gay life. It has been untenably difficult to discover a gay-themed movie that is certifiably GOOD (I hold up Desert Hearts and Better Than Chocolate as two that come to mind). It means nothing to hear that so many gay gatherings watched it and thought it was fabulous. The gay community is hungry for movies that accurately reflect gay life in a positive light, and so I think they see what they want to see. As a writer, I've managed to move past that and I think I can be more objective.

Latter Days wanted to be a good movie, and it tried to be a good movie, but it simply didn't try hard enough. The dialogue was largely forced, one-dimensional, and clichéd. The situations were so contrived and so staged, I could predict every single thing that was about to happen, while groaning as it did.

One example is the scene where Christian cuts his hip on something (the location near his ass--CONTRIVED) and then faints from--what? blood loss? squeamishness? Wherein Aaron rushes over to help him walk inside--half carrying him as if he had just lost a finger instead of gotten a nasty scratch. Then Christian stands at the sink and has Aaron nurse the wound, with a full view of his ass inside the thong--or shall is say the thong inside his ass--and then goes to lie down because the cut is so traumatic, and then develops a sudden fever so that he simply MUST remove his shirt and lie on the bed almost naked while Aaron brings a cold cloth to him, to soothe his fevered brow. (CONTRIVED! CLICHED! oh my god, please, tell me this is not going there!)

The sentiment in the film was forced overall, and way too melodramatic when it should have just been raw and real. That Mormon kid would never have moved from being helpful to deciding he was going to have SEX that quickly. Didn't buy it. Not for a second. The relationship between them did not develop sufficiently enough to make the interplay plausible or credible.

I was actually ashamed of Jacqueline Bisset's performance... especially out on the hospital park bench where she broke down in front of Aaron. Bad acting from someone who should be seasoned enough to know better. There were only a few scenes that were worthy of praise: one of them, the kitchen confrontation between the fallen-from-grace pariah Aaron, and his Mormon mother.

This scene was not enough to save the performance scene by his roommate, however, wherein she held the microphone like a kitchen spoon; If she had been a real singer, she would have known the proper way to sing into a microphone. (I'm a singer, and have had two bands, so I think I can say that with some degree of confidence). Same goes for the scene where she is playing the electric guitar. Real guitar players can't play like that with long fingernails, and besides, there was always something blocking her so we couldn't see that it was merely a prop, but it was painfully obvious (a finer example of realism can be found in Prey for Rock and Roll, wherein, they actually PLAYED their instruments). And all the hoopla about the songs and the lyrics had no credibility, since there was nothing special or unique about any of it.

I watched the bonus features that had interviews with participants, and when I heard one person say the script was "brilliant" I almost laughed out loud. It was a lot of things, but "brilliant" was not one of them. They even bragged that the movie had been shot in 20-something days. People! it showed. And while they interviewed several individuals involved in the soundtrack, not once did they give credit to Toad the Wet Sprocket, for the song "Windmills," which was by far the highest quality song in the film.

I appreciated the subject matter, and the intent of the movie: it's a subject that needs to be addressed on film more often. Fundamentalist and extremist religions that teach fear and intolerance have no useful purpose in a loving society, and the things that go on behind religious closed doors these days are nothing short of reprehensible. I just wish this film had been what it could have been, rather than what it was. I'm not sorry I saw it; I'm sorry it wasn't done better.

In a nutshell, Latter Days, could have been the best gay movie ever made; all the elements were there. But it was ultimately a really bad gay soap opera, with more cheese than Kraft--and I mean that in the most double-entendre way.


The Flowering of Human Consciousness: Eckhart Tolle
There seems to be a pack mentality in the spiritual milieu, which prevents spiritual, thinking people from admitting it when a pretender to the throne arrives to wave a magic enlightenment wand. More over, though I consider myself a highly spiritual person of above average intelligence, and have studied and followed the teachings of Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer and many other modern gurus for many years, it was patently obvious to me that this "lecture" was nothing more than the nonsensical meanderings of crazy person.

Eckhart Tolle presented himself as someone on a mind-altering drug. After about five minutes of listening to his babbling, i was thinking, "oh, kill me now!" He said nothing enlightening, and his content was wholly a disjointed form of gibberish with no redemption. It was an exercise in The Village Idiot speaking to other village idiots who had convinced themselves that his message was somehow illuminating. I have never in my life heard such an example of wasted space, money, and film. While I have not read this man's book, i can't imagine it's any more valuable than his verbal presentation. It was absurd, and by far the sorriest and most insipid example I've ever seen of supposed spiritual edification. I kept waiting for him to jump up on his chair and shout, "Live! from New York! It's Saturday night!"

Come on, people, not every self-described guru is really enlightened.

Politically Incorrect Kevlar

I keep hearing from friends about how bad the job market is. Some of them are struggling to find work, and they have found that there are some jobs they can't get, thought they are qualified. You know why? Because nowadays, many jobs are off limits unless you are bi-lingual. Banks are a good example of this.

Now, lets think: isn't this BACKWARDS? I feel it is. I think it is the antithesis of how things should operate. If someone from another country who speaks another language, comes to the US, they are the ones who should be bi-lingual. I shouldn't have to learn another language, in order to find certain employment, as I am not in another country. I am in America, and our national language is ENGLISH. This problem has had a domino effect and has undermined service industries, the worst of which we see n certain service industries. Like customer service, via telephone. When you call for help on any number of services from your cable, to your credit card, to your Pay Pal account, haven't you noticed that it's almost always someone with a thick foreign accent who is there to help you? Who among us, has not had to deal with the language barrier of a customer service rep who isn't fluent in English? Nine times out of ten, i have to ask for them to transfer me to someone else, hoping to get someone i can understand and who can understand me. inevitably, I get cut off during the transfer, and have to call back, or i get connected to someone else of another nationality whom I cannot understand, and who can't understand me.

Now, if we say something about this, we are dubbed racist. This is what i mean by Political Correctness being counter-productive. It's not about the color of anyone's skin. I don't judge people by that. Normally, i judge them individually, by their behavior; by their character. And this service industry problem doesn't' even have anything to do with THAT. It has to do with the need for clear communication. Which we can't have if those who immigrate to this country are not expected to LEARN THE LANGUAGE. It makes no sense for English speaking natives to suffer because of this. This is Reverse Discrimination.

So, now, I'm putting on my Kevlar vest,
in anticipation of the aspersions that
will soon be firing in my direction
for being such a racist.

KUDOS: Movies You Should RENT

...if You Want to Get Your Money’s Worth.

This list is old, but good movies are good movies, no matter how old they are.


Disclosure—(Drama)
Interesting from the first frame, with a new twist on a common situation in the world of computers and corporate America.

Starring Michael Douglas and Demi Moore.







Grand Tour: Disaster in Time—(Drama)
This is one of those Sleeper Movies that few people seem to know about, but everyone most would probably enjoy. A young widower rebuilds his life with his daughter by opening a boarding house. Odd guests turn out to be menacing time-travelers, and their presence forces the young widower to face and conquer his fears. Excellent writing, and characters you can care about.

Starring Jeff Daniels.



Speed—(Action/Adventure) Appropriate title for a non-stop thriller about a bus load of people riding a bomb set to go off if the bus drops below a certain speed. Guaranteed edge-of-your-seat action.

Starring Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock.








Mother’s Boys—(Suspense) The prodigal mother returns, expecting her abandoned husband and children to welcome her with open arms. A chilling performance by Jamie Lee Curtis, and her best role to date.

Stars Jamie Lee Curtis, Peter Gallagher, Joanne Whalley, Vanessa Redgrave, Luke Edwards.




Powder—(Drama) Okay, perhaps it’s not the most original premise: the outcast who only wants to be left alone; the underdog who suffers and those inflicting the wounds come to realize the error of their ways, and then the outcast/ underdog rides off into the sunset. But it’s a fresher rendition of the story, and it’s messages are on several different levels, the deeper of which is fairly sobering.

Starring Sean Patrick Flannery and Mary Steenburgen.




Delores Claiborne—(Drama) A realistic portrayal of long-term abuse and the human spirit, with a dash of desperation and weakness thrown in. A triumph for Stephen King, surprisingly free of the macabre, and a testimony to King’s ability to write for a genre he all too often avoids.

Stars James Caan and Kathy Bates (who deserves an Oscar for her part).




Crimes of the Heart—(Comedy)
The proverbial star-studded cast. Richly-drawn characterizations of three Southern sisters, who each have their collection of demons to deal with. One is constantly on the verge of suicide, but comically unable to be successful at it, one is foot-loose-and-fancy-free to the point of distraction, the other is staid and neurotic. There are some very memorable comedic scenes in this one.

Diane Keaton, Jessica Lange, Sissy Spacek, Sam Shepard, Tess Harper.

Breakdown—(Action/Drama)
As comedian Judy Tenuda would say, “It could happen!” But there’s nothing funny about this situation. A young married couple are relocating, and on their road trip, they have car trouble, and come across a trucker who offers to give the wife a ride up the road to call for help. When the husband can’t find his wife, and no one wants to cooperate, the situation goes from bad to worse. Engaging and exciting from start to finish.

Stars Kurt Russell and Kathleen Quinlan.



AirForce One—(Drama/Suspense)
What if the President's plane was hijacked? And what if the President was a medal-winning veteran?And what if the President got to be the hero? Great scenario, tight, suspenseful writing, solid acting—and the dialogue is refreshingly light on profanity. Compare that to most movies in this category, and the list would come up short, with this one at the top.

Harrison Ford, Gary Oldman, Glenn Close, Wendy Crewson, Liesel Matthews.




A Perfect Murder—(Suspense)
Corporate mogul with a heart of stone wants his wife dead. And although she is being unfaithful, it's completely understandable. So, while the husband uses blackmail and offers big bucks to his wife's lover to kill her, and plans her demise to the last detail, as usual, nothing ever goes as planned. Based on the classic "Dial M for Murder." Plenty of twists and turns, tight writing, excellent performances and totally satisfying.

Starring Michael Douglas and Gwyneth Paltrow.


A League of Their Own—(Drama/Comedy)
A wonderfully entertaining and moving story of a washed-up major-leaguer who coaches a women's baseball team during World War II. With a cast that includes Tom Hanks, Madonna, Rosie O'Donnell and Geena Davis , it's a quality film that stays in your memory.




Hard Rain— (Adventure)
Open the sky and let the rain flood a town, add a corrupt sheriff's office, a few thieves, and an armored truck with a newly hired guard, and you have an exciting premise that keeps you interested from first frame to last.

Stars Christian Slater, Morgan Freeman and Randy Quaid.





Michael—(Comedy)
The archangel comes down to earth and IS down-to-earth; perhaps a bit more than we could have imagined. One look at this heavenly Messenger munching corn flakes garnished with a pound of sugar, milk dripping down his chin, and you know this is going to be a different take on what angels are all about.

John Travolta, Andie MacDowell and William Hurt.





City of Angels—(Romantic Drama)
Another of the celestial-motif films, only this time, the theme is more serious. An angel falls for a mortal and has to make that age-old choice between who he is and who he wants to be. Very touching and memorable.

Stars Nicolas Cage and Meg Ryan.






Bound —(Suspense)
When a lesbian ex-con crosses paths with a mobster's girlfriend, the result is a plot to steal money from the mob, and some rather intense love scenes. This is a brave movie that is darkly entertaining and plot-driven, and memorable and engaging, if you can get past Jennifer Tilly's overly-breathy delivery of every line. I think the movie would have been even better, had they cast a different actress in her role. As far as language, it's positively blue, which i wish it wasn't, but the movie itself was worth watching, even when you have to overlook the plentiful profanities.

Gina Gershon, Jennifer Tilly and Joe Pantoliano star.



Holy-Man— (Comedy)
Honestly, i was afraid this one would be a loser, but i was more than pleasantly surprised. An unlikely guru wreaks havoc on a failing home shopping channel, and teaches everyone a little something about spiritual maturity. Outstanding performance by Eddie Murphy, and the reliable and endearing Jeff Goldblum.





Saving Private Ryan(Drama) This one has the proverbial star-studded cast, and one cast member is now a star in his own right, but was relatively unknown in this movie--Matt Damon, who played the title character. What can i say that hasn't been said? This movie is not for the faint-of-heart, but it is a Spielberg masterpiece, and completely believable.

Tom Hanks, Tom Sizemore, Edward Burns, Barry Pepper, Adam Goldberg, Vin Diesel, Giovanni Ribisi, Jeremy Davies, Matt Damon, Ted Danson, Paul Giamatti, Dennis Farina.

Pay Pal needs Improvements

A few days ago, I needed to use money in my Pay Pal account, but realized I hadn't yet activated my new Pay Pal virtual debit card. My old one expired in February. That's when the debacle began.

Now let me say here that i love being able to use Pay Pal, and other than the problems i speak about here, it's quite necessary if you do financial business online. But be aware that there are things you need to know if you want to avoid what just happened to me.

To be succinct, this is what i wrote to them when i filled out their customer service survey after the fact:

Pay Pal is a valuable tool for online financial business. But there are some inherent issues that would make me use a different service, if you had a comparable competitor, who surpassed you in these areas. I often write reviews for products and services, and am the author of 12 books, with a degree in Professional and Technical writing; I am also an advanced web user and webmaster. So I feel I am qualified to offer you some insight. Your pages are set up in a counter-intuitive way, and there is no simple way to find a real answer. The BIGGEST PROBLEM you have is your customer service. To say "We care about your call" or to in any way suggest that the customer comes first, is not reflected in your process at all. I spent 45 minutes on the phone suffering through recordings of options I wasn't after, and it always cut me off at the end when I couldn't figure out how to reach a REAL LIVE HUMAN. I was also cut off by two of your reps, and they did NOT understand the content and meaning of most of what I said, though i am quite capable of communicating clearly. I had difficulty understanding them as well--a language barrier. If you hire non-Americans, you should ensure that they can speak English clearly, and understand American language. Additionally, since I called because there was no activation link on my pay pal page, and eventually came across something that said my card had been reported stolen or expired, with no other explanation, I had no idea what was happening. I eventually discovered that since I did not activate my new debit card before the old one expired, I couldn't get to my money. And I had to order a whole new card. And this would take something like 4 weeks. I needed my money RIGHT THEN. So this is not only aggravating, but highly inconvenient and unacceptable in the realm of customer service as far as I'm concerned. Your employees should spend less time on memorizing lines like "How may I help you" and more time understanding what real help is.

Epil-Not

I ordered Epil-stop from the television ad and when the product arrived, and i used it, i noticed two things: first, the amount you get is scarcely enough for one application for both legs,never mind any other area you might want to use it on and second, it simply DIDN'T WORK! Not only did it do a poor job of even REMOVING the hair, but the stubble grew back the next day. I asked for my money back and it took 6 weeks, and they wouldn't refund the shipping and handling, so i was simply out the money.

So much for truth in advertising...whoever said there was truth in advertising, was probably in the advertising business.


25 July 98
Epil-Stop Plus
5315 Lindbergh Lane
Bell, CA 90201

To Whom it May Concern:

I purchased the Epil-Stop Plus product recently, and used the product in its entirety without success. Your advertisements claim that the product removes hair permanently or at least makes the new growth finer, and after several applications, will eliminate it entirely. This was not the case. Your product was completely ineffective, and I experienced stubble growth the very next day.

It is my understanding that any advertisement that promises what it cannot deliver, is considered fraudulent. Therefore, I request a full refund of the purchase price, plus shipping and handling.

Additionally, I will be reporting this fraud to the Attorney General in your State, as well as the Better Business Bureau, and will make it my aim to announce this fraud all over the Internet, to warn others who might fall prey to the deception.


I expect a swift return of my costs.


Sincerely,

Kelli Jae Baeli
cc: Better Business Bureau, Attorney General

UPDATE:
(Eventually, they returned the purchase price, but i lost the cost of shipping and handling. They said they "could not" return that).

Sprint: Clearly Not an Alternative

(this was written in 1999, but i think it still applies, as i hear stories of this type from Sprint customers quite frequently).

With a phone and a pager, I could manage to drum up some clients for my little home pseudo- business. I spent almost all the income from a previous set of shows to make that happen. I went with a digital phone company because I liked the features and they only required $250 for a deposit.

My recent Chapter 7 Bankruptcy insured that a deposit would be required with any new service. Oddly, my previous good standing with the local phone company did nothing to decrease the $500 deposit they required from me in order to have cell phone service.

My first bill arrived, to the tune of $400. I knew there would probably be taxes and such added to the bill, but since I was expecting the $49.99 monthly charge, this was a bit of a shock. In examining the bill, I noticed that I was being charged for an additional month of service, another phone number, the phone itself (which I did not even purchase from them, but from Radio Shack), a month of service for the other phone number, plus taxes, and another deposit AGAIN.

I spent the next two months trying like crazy to remind them of the concept of "customer service." Each time I called the local store, I was confronted with a menu of options. If you’d like information about this, press one. . . If you’d like information about that, press two. . .If you’d like to hear an endless list of our promotions whether you’re interested or not, press three. . . I kept waiting for that selection, If you’d like to speak to a human, press twenty-seven. . . But it never came. Once it got to the end of the menu, the honey-dripping voice instructed me to stay on the line to speak to a "customer advocate." I waited, enjoying the strains of Air Supply’s I’m All Out of Love, and then Barry Manilow’s Looks Like We Made it. I recalled this as my High School Prom theme song. Appropriate, since it was a surprise to most of us and our parents that we graduated at all.

Finally, a "Customer Advocate" answered—not by saying "How may I help you?" like in yesteryear, but "Your account number, please." Whether we admit it or not, we have all become just numbers, like those prisoners you see in old movies in striped shirts with digits across their chests. I always hated that. I didn’t want to give them all my information, I wanted to get right to the point. But of course they had to have it in order to pull up my account and verify everything I was saying, because, you know, most customers lie through their teeth about everything.

In great, put-upon detail, I described the problem and got very little sympathy, and a whole lot of attitude. I was put on hold several times while she "researched the problem," and each time she returned from this dubious research, she assured me, in so many words, that they don’t make those mistakes. She asked me if I had a receipt for the deposit, and I said no (kicking myself) because I had paid in cash. *A method of currency unrecognizable and non-transferable after the year 1990.

"We always give you a receipt," she said haughtily.

I told her I received some sort of invoice, but that my deposit was not noted on it. Further, I recounted the fact that after my information was entered that day, their computer system went down, and the clerk had to re-enter everything, and wasn't it possible that the deposit wasn't noted the second time?

She didn't believe this was possible. "Our cash drawers would have been off by that amount if it wasn't."

All I knew was that I had paid the deposit. And maybe, just maybe, the charge was noted, payment noted, bringing me to zero, then entered as a charge, but not noted as paid the second time. This would be an error in their favor, and therefore resistant to change. Money is always the bottom line. My lack of money is always the norm. My lack of luck is always the norm, too. It was like my Guardian Angel was on vacation. I have this theory about Guardian Angels. Some of them are good at their jobs, and some aren't. What I know about the machinations of heaven, you can fit on the head of a pin, but at least I know what the pins are for. They're for gouging out the eyes of some Guardian Angels. I lovingly refer to mine as Murphy: as in "Murphy's First Law: Anything that can go wrong, WILL."

The debate continued with all the other items on the bill, and I explained that I had signed up first on the Internet from their web page, but found out later the page was outdated, and no longer counted as a real order. It must have counted somewhere, because I got charged for the first number and all the fees that went along with it. She said she would research the issue and call me right back.

I listened intently, but never heard my phone ring.

Since I was getting no semblance of "customer service," I called back, waded through the tiresome recordings, reached another human, explained it all again, and asked for the number of a district manager. Happy to be rid of me, she gave me the number, and I hung up to call him. Predictably, I got his voice mail, and left a message, again explaining the problem.

This game of cat and mouse went on for the next few months. Explaining and re-explaining the problem to each new Customer Advocate and District Manager, until I was ready to kill them all. Meanwhile, my bill went unpaid, as I refused to send payment until everything was worked out. My service was disconnected just before a flat tire in the middle of nowhere required me to use my phone to call for help. Naturally, this was necessary because I had a flat spare tire awaiting the emergency in which I could curse it. I had to walk several miles to a pay phone and fill it with change in order to find someone to come fetch me. With my physical disabilities this was particularly unpleasant.

Eventually, I actually spoke to one of the managers, and he agreed to "meet me halfway" by charging me half the deposit again and one month’s service charge. Reminiscent of the cop who was nice enough to give me only two tickets. He assured me the service would be restored if I paid this amount at the local store.

At this point, I was endangering the few clients I had for my computer work, and felt that if I had my service, I could get on with things and eventually get the credit back to me or onto my account. I agreed to pay, albeit under duress. *Murphy’s Technology Law #16: To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

So I went down to the store as the District Manager said to, and gave them the cash (everything I could scrap up including my rolled pennies). After they took my money, they informed me that I had to pay for next month too, or they wouldn't turn my service on.

I stood there, my system REALLY low on Paxil, and began to feel a little like one of those Postal Workers who show up with an empty conscience and a full clip. I said, "I was told by the District Manager that if I came down here and paid this, my service would be turned back on." She gave me some slime about "policy" tempered with a really shitty attitude, like I was some gutter rat who had the audacity to touch one of their phones--and I just lost it. "I want you to call him and verify what I've said. And I want you to call him right now."

"He's not available right now."

"How do you know that, until you call?"

"I know he's out of town."

"That's okay, he has a CELL PHONE!" I shouted.

"He's NOT available," she said again.

"Who's your supervisor?" I said, REALLY LOUD. *Murphy’s Technology Law #13: The first myth of management is that it exists.

She said SHE was the supervisor. I said, "Who'd you sleep with to get the job?"

The look on her face was almost worth all the hassle from the last few months. She said, "You can't have your service 'til you pay. Next!" And looked right past me to another customer.

It was at this point that I believe I went ballistic. I said, "I want to see a REAL manager, and I want to see one now!" And I went right past her BEHIND THE COUNTER and started searching the back offices. I was aware that I was causing a scene, and that other customers in the store were staring at me, thrilled that they would get to see something as exciting as a "Caught on Tape" episode.

She yelled at me, "I'm calling the police!"

I yelled back, "Call them! I need to file a report on THEFT BY DECEPTION!" and I continued to look for a manager. There was NO ONE to be found, and when I came back to the front, she was on the phone with the police.

I can't tell you how close I came to snatching the receiver from her hand and beating her to death with it. When she hung up, I had decided that those cell-bunks were a little less that friendly for my back, and I didn't want to spend the night on one. So I leaned over the counter and got in her face and whispered, "Watch your back," and walked out. I guess it was a threat. I didn’t know what else to say. I wanted to have some kind of last word with her before making my exit. "Caught on Tape" was now quickly turning into an episode of "Cops."

*Bad girl, bad girl, whatcha gonna do. . .whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

By the time I got to my car, I think a massive aneurysm was in order. I had earned 4 tickets, been up to my neck in the red tape and bureaucracy of government offices, totally overwhelmed with chronic pain, sick to death of struggling to get by on sandwiches and coffee and five dollars per week, feeling terribly worthless, victimized and generally sorry for myself.Then I had to deal with this garbage on top of all that. I mean, what had I done to deserve such turmoil and hardship? Hadn't I tried? Hadn't I kept my chin up and my head down?

On the way home I cursed God, Buddha, Mohammed, Ghandi, Republicans, fertile women, and a couple of Toyotas.